he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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