Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
