Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
