She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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