So drunk its hurt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
