Just cropdusted the office
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
