Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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