The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize