Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
