apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
