new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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