i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
