my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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