clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
