I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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