I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
