the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
