is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
