please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize