I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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