I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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