a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
