We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
