Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
