The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
