So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
