I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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