When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
