First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
