When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think my moral compass just broke
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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