Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
