So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
