I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
