my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
