he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
