Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We had sex on a dog bed..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
