I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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