he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
