This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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