My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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