found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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