We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
