I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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