Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
