Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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