I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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