I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
