Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i now understand why vodka
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
