We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
