My balls are so social today.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
