Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
