Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The power of my boobs compel you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
