Umm I'm too high to move.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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