im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
