I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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