We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
