when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
