So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
