needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How naked do you want me to be?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
