Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
