We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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