Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
