Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
