I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
