True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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