I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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