What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize