the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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