I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize