I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
